Two-way streets are always best.

Since I travel a great deal, and am not often home, I hire a maid service to clean my house. I love the results they achieve in probably half the time it would take me to do the same job. The house just sparkles, and the rooms smell so clean and fresh , of soap and lemon wax, primarily.

The other day, the women were over to clean, and, as they collected their mops and dustcloths, ready to leave, I told them, "I always feel so much better when you leave."

Now , I know what I meant to say, and, thank heavens, they understood my intentions were to pay them a sincere and honest compliment, but words can be funny things. They don't always say what we mean.

Has that ever happened to you?

Of course, the trouble with words is that, once they've left your mouth, you've lost control of them. You can't erase them and you can't attach a footnote to them as a way of offering a further explanation. They're just out there "naked" for all the world to hear.

That's why I think it's important that all of us take a little care with the things we say. I wouldn't dream of standing before an audience without some advance preparation-knowing, for example, who my audience is and being sensitive to their hot-button issues. When we share a conversation with someone, I think we should try to make ourselves just as sensitive. We have no way of knowing how we are communicating ourselves, or how others are perceiving our message unless we take time to think before we talk, and to note the reaction our words are creating. If our conversation partner cringes a little or clams up, you know to drop the subject and move on to another.

And because communication is a two-way street, let me tell you about a little technique I learned  in my Stephen Ministry training. It's called reflective listening, and it can be a foolproof way to clear up any confusion and to instantly correct any misunderstandings. Here's how it works: When you hear something that sounds wrong - like my message to the two women who clean my house - you throw it back to the person who spoke, as a question. "What I'm hearing you say is that you're bothered by all the flying dust and you're relieved to see us go..." the women might have said. That way, everyone is quite clear on how the message was just received, and the speaker has an opportunity to clarify his or her intent - which is certainly what I would have done if either one of those cleaning women hadn't known what I meant to say.

Words are wonderful. I make my living by them. But spoken words, especially, can really take on a life of their own. Whether spoken or written, treat them with the care and the respect they deserve.

 Lesson Learned: Words are like children. They need an adult to supervise their play, and to keep an eye on them every minute.

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